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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Wedding DJ Assures Anxious Man He Hasn’t Forgotten ‘Build Me Up Buttercup’ Request

WAUKESHA, WI—According to sources who attended Peter and Jillian Lefevre’s wedding reception at the Loft & Chapel banquet hall last Saturday, event DJ Joel Kephart assured the man hovering nervously by his booth that he had not forgotten the guest’s “Build Me Up Buttercup” song request from earlier that evening. “Yep, don’t worry, I’ve got it on my list,” Kephart said to the man who, throughout the previous four songs, had stood on the dance floor eagerly anticipating the 1968 Foundations hit, only to be repeatedly disappointed by a string of different pop standards. “I just played ‘Brown Eyed Girl,’ so I’ve got to mix it up. I’m going to play some slow stuff and then ‘The Electric Slide,’ but I’ll get to yours sometime after that, okay?” Reports indicated the man became further agitated after an unmistakable guitar intro confirmed he had been jumped in line by the guy behind him who had asked for “Play That Funky Music.”

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