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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Wedding DJ Finally Gets The Chance To Listen To Some Black Eyed Peas On His Own Time

HAVERHILL, MA—Finding himself with an unexpected weekend off during the height of his busiest season, wedding DJ and pop music enthusiast Shawn DeFleur took the time Saturday to relax in his favorite chair, don his headphones, and listen to the Black Eyed Peas seminal 2003 album Elephunk for his own pleasure. “Finally, I can just kick back, close my eyes, and do some serious listening,” said DeFleur, adding that it felt a little strange not to have to take requests while a song was playing, or shout out the name of the bride and groom over a chorus, or switch to “Run The World (Girls)” two-thirds of the way through a track to appease bridesmaids. “I really should do this more often—just set aside a little time for myself to relax and sink my teeth into something like ‘Let’s Get It Started.’ Reminds me why I do this job in the first place.” When the album concluded, DeFleur turned to the classics, spinning “Mony Mony,” “The Hokey Pokey,” and different versions of “The Chicken Dance” for the rest of the afternoon.

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