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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Wedding DJ Finally Gets The Chance To Listen To Some Black Eyed Peas On His Own Time

HAVERHILL, MA—Finding himself with an unexpected weekend off during the height of his busiest season, wedding DJ and pop music enthusiast Shawn DeFleur took the time Saturday to relax in his favorite chair, don his headphones, and listen to the Black Eyed Peas seminal 2003 album Elephunk for his own pleasure. “Finally, I can just kick back, close my eyes, and do some serious listening,” said DeFleur, adding that it felt a little strange not to have to take requests while a song was playing, or shout out the name of the bride and groom over a chorus, or switch to “Run The World (Girls)” two-thirds of the way through a track to appease bridesmaids. “I really should do this more often—just set aside a little time for myself to relax and sink my teeth into something like ‘Let’s Get It Started.’ Reminds me why I do this job in the first place.” When the album concluded, DeFleur turned to the classics, spinning “Mony Mony,” “The Hokey Pokey,” and different versions of “The Chicken Dance” for the rest of the afternoon.

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Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

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