adBlockCheck

Wedding-Reception DJ's Choice Of 'Strokin'' Proves Controversial

Top Headlines

Local

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.

Grandmother Doesn’t Care For New Priest

SPENCERPORT, NY—Voicing criticism of the man’s general demeanor and the hurried pace of his masses, local grandmother and St. Rafael Catholic Church parishioner Patricia Trudel, 72, told reporters Friday she doesn’t care much for the congregation’s new priest.

Mom Brings Home Little Plaque That Says ‘Family’

GAITHERSBURG, MD—Describing how she hung the newly purchased decoration on the living room wall immediately upon returning, sources confirmed Tuesday that area mom Patricia Matheson had brought home a little wooden plaque that says “Family.”

Mentally Unbalanced Man Still Waiting For The Right Trump Comment To Incite Him

HARRISBURG, PA—Explaining that the candidate’s recent inflammatory statements had further stoked his uncontrollable fury but hadn’t quite pushed him over the edge, local resident and mentally unhinged man Peter Scheft told reporters Friday he is still waiting for the exact right comment from Trump that will incite him to action.

No One Really Knows What Dad Was Doing From 1985 To 1988

BOSTON—Unable to recall a single instance in which their father mentioned any details about his early adulthood, the children of local man Alan Murphy confirmed Monday they had no idea what he was doing between the years of 1985 and 1988.

Home Depot Employee Can Tell This Customer’s First Attempt At Pipe Bomb

APPLETON, WI—Shaking his head Monday as the customer selected a length of plastic pipe over a stronger metal alternative and placed it into his shopping cart, local Home Depot sales associate Graham Warner, 57, was reportedly able to tell right away that this was the store patron’s first attempt at making a pipe bomb.

Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life

CHATTANOOGA, TN—Explaining how his subtle belittlement and disrespect for women in face-to-face interactions had little in common with the bold, outspoken manner in which he degrades women when he’s on social media or website message boards, sources reported Tuesday that local man Colin McManus is a totally different misogynist online than in real life.

Man Has Loyalty To Pretzel Brand

BROWNSVILLE, TX—Describing them as “the best pretzels out there” and “the only ones [he] buy[s],” local resident Ned Carlisle expressed his firm loyalty to Snyder’s of Hanover–brand pretzels Tuesday.

Seagull This Far Inland Must Be Total Fuckup

KNOXVILLE, TN—Questioning how the bird could have possibly ended up more than 300 miles from the nearest ocean, sources confirmed Friday that a seagull that was spotted this far inland must be a total fuckup.

Only News Source Man Trusts Has Logo Of Eyeball In Crosshairs

FULLERTON, CA—Noting that he relies upon the website every day to keep himself apprised of important national and global events, sources confirmed Thursday that the only news outlet local man Andrew Howland trusts uses an image of an eyeball in crosshairs as its logo.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Wedding-Reception DJ's Choice Of 'Strokin'' Proves Controversial

NORFOLK, VA–The Norfolk Best Western was gripped by controversy late Saturday, when DJ Tim Doblewicz played the randy Clarence Carter hit "Strokin'" at the Schuller-Randolph wedding reception, upsetting a number of the event's more reserved guests.

Embattled DJ Tim Doblewicz. Inset: The Clarence Carter album <i>Dr. C.C.</i>, which contains "Strokin'."

"The energy on the dance floor was really high, and I wanted to keep it going with another fun one," said Doblewicz, a part-time employee of Norfolk-based Funtime Dee-Jays Unlimited. "I was considering doing 'Electric Slide' or maybe even 'Y.M.C.A.' one more time, but instead I decided to go with 'Strokin'.'"

"I honestly never expected it to cause any trouble," Doblewicz said of the moderately salacious 1986 song, in which Carter boasts of stroking it to the east, stroking it to the west, and, ultimately, stroking it to the woman that he loves the best.

Because an overwhelming majority of those on the dance floor responded to "Strokin'" with cheers, Doblewicz said he "had no idea" that the song had created a stir until several minutes later, when he was approached by the bride's father, Warren Randolph.

Randolph asked Doblewicz to "keep it clean from now on," informing him that the song had bothered some of the guests. Particularly disturbed, Randolph said, was 81-year-old grandmother of the bride Loretta Munns, who demanded that Doblewicz be "dismissed this very minute."

"I could not believe that someone would play that type of song at an event celebrating the sacred union of two people before the eyes of God," Munns said. "A wedding reception is not the place to be stroking it to the east, west, south, or any direction whatsoever."

Munns was not the only attendee upset by "Strokin'."

"I don't ordinarily dance, but Warren dragged me out to do the Chicken Dance," said Eileen Swearingen, 76, the bride's great aunt. "Well, that was fine, but after that song ended, a very dirty one came on. I couldn't make out all the words, but at one point, the man sang, 'When I start makin' love, I don't just make love–I be strokin'.' I tried to get off the dance floor and back to my table, but I could barely fight my way through the crowd. It was awful."

Bride Denise Schuller and grandmother Loretta Munns, one of the many wedding guests whose lovely evening was nearly spoiled by the playing of "Strokin'."

Badly shaken, Swearingen informed husband Warren and several others seated near her at table seven that she does not know if she will ever set foot on a dance floor again.

Richard Almond, a longtime friend of the groom's family, was dancing with his five-year-old daughter through most of "Strokin'." It was only upon hearing the line, "Have you ever made love in the back seat of a car?" that Almond realized Carter was saying "strokin'," not "smokin'." A red-faced Almond immediately left the floor, daughter in tow.

Immediately following the "Strokin'" debacle, Doblewicz attempted to win back offended guests with Buster Poindexter's "Hot, Hot, Hot." He managed to generate a conga line with the wholesome, crowd-pleasing 1987 hit, but the damage had been done.

"How could [Doblewicz] have possibly thought that awful 'Strokin'' song was appropriate for a wedding?" asked Almond, mid-conga. "He was deliberately pandering to the lowest common denominator at this party."

Despite the uproar, Doblewicz was not without his supporters. As "Strokin'" played, several key members of the wedding party, including best man Chad Wilens and brother of the groom Jordan Schuller, began lowering themselves to the floor, limbo-style. Bridesmaid Tina Elson then lifted up the bottom of her teal taffeta gown and, with Schuller leaning back on his knees, straddled his torso and danced for several seconds directly over him.

Few of the offended guests could have anticipated the provocative song from Doblewicz, who started out the evening with such popular romantic ballads as "Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion and "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton. After the appetizer buffet was served, Doblewicz began to pick up the tempo with such participatory favorites as "Macarena," "Chicken Dance," and "Electric Slide"–a tactic wedding DJs call "filling the floor." Then, to keep guests dancing, Doblewicz transitioned into a string of uptempo, feel-good hits, including The B-52s' "Love Shack," Wild Cherry's "Play That Funky Music," and Kool & The Gang's "Celebration." It was during this stretch that Doblewicz made the fateful decision to play "Strokin'."

"The truth is, I thought the crowd could handle it," said Doblewicz, who veered sharply from his planned playlist following the "Strokin'" incident, shelving such potentially controversial fare as AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" and Billy Idol's "Mony Mony." "But they couldn't, so it was back to 'Boot Scootin' Boogie.' Oh, well."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close