Wedding Videographer Clearly Shooting Side Project During Ceremony

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Vol 46 Issue 27

Obese Engage In Unsafe Sex More

A French study revealed that obese people have sex less often than those of healthier weight, but engage in riskier behavior when they do.

Men Suffer Postpartum Depression Too

A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that 10 percent of new fathers can suffer a serious depression in the first year of a child's birth.

I Have Seen The Future

The insufferable downy-cheeked technocrats in my employ at the Onion News Net-Work have informed me that, due to some folderol about worm-holes aboard fantastical ships that ply the very oceans of the sky, my news organization can now see the future!
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Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Wedding Videographer Clearly Shooting Side Project During Ceremony

FENTON, IL—Guests attending the marriage of Frank Herman and Lauren Holland reported Saturday that videographer Jesse Laske, a film-school graduate who has spent the last three years professionally videotaping weddings, spent an inordinate amount of time obtaining close-up shots of elderly guests' hands.

"During the vows, he seemed to be zooming in and out on the face of Jesus a lot more than he was filming Frank and Lauren," 19-year-old bridesmaid Grace Williams said. "I will say, though, that his decision to shoot the entire thing in black and white with the only color being the blood smeared all over that statue of Mary makes it sound like his project's going to be pretty interesting."

Laske declined to comment, saying he had to rush off to a nearby bris.

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