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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Wedding Videographer Clearly Shooting Side Project During Ceremony

FENTON, IL—Guests attending the marriage of Frank Herman and Lauren Holland reported Saturday that videographer Jesse Laske, a film-school graduate who has spent the last three years professionally videotaping weddings, spent an inordinate amount of time obtaining close-up shots of elderly guests' hands.

"During the vows, he seemed to be zooming in and out on the face of Jesus a lot more than he was filming Frank and Lauren," 19-year-old bridesmaid Grace Williams said. "I will say, though, that his decision to shoot the entire thing in black and white with the only color being the blood smeared all over that statue of Mary makes it sound like his project's going to be pretty interesting."

Laske declined to comment, saying he had to rush off to a nearby bris.

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