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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Weird Child Pretends To Be Utility Infielder Mark DeRosa While Playing Baseball With Friends

WASHINGTON—Playground sources told reporters Thursday that 10-year-old oddball Scott Corello always pretends to be utility infielder Mark DeRosa during baseball games with friends and confirmed that the versatile Washington Nationals player is the “little weirdo’s” all-time favorite “big leaguer.” “Whenever Scott plays with us, he’s always saying that he wants to switch from second base to third or shortstop so he can be just like this guy Mark DeRosa,” said 11-year-old Ethan Abramson, adding that “the spaz” once drew a seven on his shirt with a marker to have the same number as DeRosa. “A lot of times he’ll just sit out and wait for somebody in the field to get tired so he can sub in and ‘shore up the defense like DeRosa would.’ He’s such a little freak.” At press time, Corello was reportedly mimicking DeRosa’s batting style by hitting line-drive singles to left field.

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