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Weird Child Pretends To Be Utility Infielder Mark DeRosa While Playing Baseball With Friends

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

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RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Weird Child Pretends To Be Utility Infielder Mark DeRosa While Playing Baseball With Friends

WASHINGTON—Playground sources told reporters Thursday that 10-year-old oddball Scott Corello always pretends to be utility infielder Mark DeRosa during baseball games with friends and confirmed that the versatile Washington Nationals player is the “little weirdo’s” all-time favorite “big leaguer.” “Whenever Scott plays with us, he’s always saying that he wants to switch from second base to third or shortstop so he can be just like this guy Mark DeRosa,” said 11-year-old Ethan Abramson, adding that “the spaz” once drew a seven on his shirt with a marker to have the same number as DeRosa. “A lot of times he’ll just sit out and wait for somebody in the field to get tired so he can sub in and ‘shore up the defense like DeRosa would.’ He’s such a little freak.” At press time, Corello was reportedly mimicking DeRosa’s batting style by hitting line-drive singles to left field.

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