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Weird Couple Has Greatest Sex Of Their Lives After Announcement Of Disney-LucasFilm Merger

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Weird Couple Has Greatest Sex Of Their Lives After Announcement Of Disney-LucasFilm Merger

NASHUA, NH—Following yesterday’s announcement that the Walt Disney Co. had acquired movie studio Lucasfilm Ltd. for $4.05 billion, local couple John Campbell and Linda Clarke had the most mind-blowing sex of their lives, the utterly bizarre pair told reporters. “Wow, that was incredible,” an exhausted Clarke said to Campbell after the intense lovemaking session, which reportedly began in an odd moment of passion brought on by industry news that Disney now owns rights to R2-D2, Chewbacca, and other Star Wars properties. “I feel amazing.” The exceedingly strange couple added that they hadn’t had such great sex since 2007, when they “couldn’t keep their hands off each other” after learning Brendan Fraser had signed on to reprise his role as explorer Rick O’Connell for a third film in The Mummy franchise.

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