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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Weird Couple Has Greatest Sex Of Their Lives After Announcement Of Disney-LucasFilm Merger

NASHUA, NH—Following yesterday’s announcement that the Walt Disney Co. had acquired movie studio Lucasfilm Ltd. for $4.05 billion, local couple John Campbell and Linda Clarke had the most mind-blowing sex of their lives, the utterly bizarre pair told reporters. “Wow, that was incredible,” an exhausted Clarke said to Campbell after the intense lovemaking session, which reportedly began in an odd moment of passion brought on by industry news that Disney now owns rights to R2-D2, Chewbacca, and other Star Wars properties. “I feel amazing.” The exceedingly strange couple added that they hadn’t had such great sex since 2007, when they “couldn’t keep their hands off each other” after learning Brendan Fraser had signed on to reprise his role as explorer Rick O’Connell for a third film in The Mummy franchise.

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