Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College

In This Section

Vol 46 Issue 37

Arian Foster

Little-heralded Texans running back Foster had a monster game against the once-dominant Colts Sunday. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Innovation

Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College

PHILADELPHIA—Whether it be a top rookie from last year's draft or an obscure offensive lineman who has been in the league for 14 years, SRS Consulting's Ryan Janis seems to know where every NFL player went to college, his coworkers confirmed Monday. "I was having a casual conversation about Sunday's games and brought up [Buffalo Bills running back] Marshawn Lynch, and Ryan popped in and just said, 'Cal,'" SRS office manager Aaron Lorrimer told reporters, adding that several days earlier, Janis confounded and slightly annoyed his colleagues by knowing that Saints safety Darren Sharper was a second-round pick out of William & Mary. "I guess it's, I don't know, kind of impressive? But we don't really care where these players went to school. Do you think Ryan believes he's adding to the conversation when he does that?" At press time, coworker and Carolina Panthers fan Ted Long was eating lunch and talking about linebacker Jon Beason's 10-tackle game against the Giants last Sunday as the word "Miami" began to form in Janis' mouth.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More