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Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Weird Coworker Knows Where Every NFL Player Went To College

PHILADELPHIA—Whether it be a top rookie from last year's draft or an obscure offensive lineman who has been in the league for 14 years, SRS Consulting's Ryan Janis seems to know where every NFL player went to college, his coworkers confirmed Monday. "I was having a casual conversation about Sunday's games and brought up [Buffalo Bills running back] Marshawn Lynch, and Ryan popped in and just said, 'Cal,'" SRS office manager Aaron Lorrimer told reporters, adding that several days earlier, Janis confounded and slightly annoyed his colleagues by knowing that Saints safety Darren Sharper was a second-round pick out of William & Mary. "I guess it's, I don't know, kind of impressive? But we don't really care where these players went to school. Do you think Ryan believes he's adding to the conversation when he does that?" At press time, coworker and Carolina Panthers fan Ted Long was eating lunch and talking about linebacker Jon Beason's 10-tackle game against the Giants last Sunday as the word "Miami" began to form in Janis' mouth.

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