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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.
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Weird Guy From 2 Jobs Ago Still Liking Woman’s Photos On Facebook

NORFOLK, VA—Though she hasn’t spoken with him since they were both employees of American Mutual Insurance back in 2008, local woman Rebecca Pittman, 30, said Thursday that her former coworker Jeff Wallach, 35, still frequently “likes” her photos on Facebook. “At least once or twice a week I can count on getting a notification that says he likes one of my pictures,” Pittman told reporters, adding that she and Wallach were never at any point close friends, though they occasionally made small talk in their office’s break room. “Even if someone tags me in a photo of a large group of people he’s never met, there’s still a pretty good chance he’ll like it. And weirdest of all, sometimes he’ll click ‘like’ when I accept a friend request from someone he couldn’t possibly know. Why the hell would anyone do that?” Pittman went on to admit that on the rare occasions when Wallach fails to like one of her Facebook photos, she actually gets a little bit offended and wonders if maybe there’s something wrong with it.

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