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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Weird-Looking Guy Somehow Manages To Look Normal In Facebook Profile Picture

NEWTON, MA—Despite exhibiting what numerous acquaintances have described as a distinctly odd appearance, local man Daniel Hobson has somehow managed to look relatively normal in his Facebook profile picture, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Dan’s definitely a weird-looking dude, but one look at his profile and you’d actually think he was halfway, you know, not weird-looking,” said coworker Carrie Wyatt, noting that the angle and lighting of Hobson’s photograph have effectively negated the most bizarre of his telltale physical characteristics, including his bulging forehead, perpetually chapped lips, and prominent overbite. “When you see him in person, it can actually be pretty unsettling. But here he’s positioned in such a way that he looks like a perfectly normal, fully functioning human being. You can barely even tell he has a lazy eye.” At press time, after having scanned the rest of Hobson’s photos on the social media website, Wyatt had noticed that Hobson has adopted an identical pose for nearly every picture he has allowed to have been taken of him.

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