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Weird-Looking Guy Somehow Manages To Look Normal In Facebook Profile Picture

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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Bold Intern Giving Parents Tour Of Office

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Weird-Looking Guy Somehow Manages To Look Normal In Facebook Profile Picture

NEWTON, MA—Despite exhibiting what numerous acquaintances have described as a distinctly odd appearance, local man Daniel Hobson has somehow managed to look relatively normal in his Facebook profile picture, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Dan’s definitely a weird-looking dude, but one look at his profile and you’d actually think he was halfway, you know, not weird-looking,” said coworker Carrie Wyatt, noting that the angle and lighting of Hobson’s photograph have effectively negated the most bizarre of his telltale physical characteristics, including his bulging forehead, perpetually chapped lips, and prominent overbite. “When you see him in person, it can actually be pretty unsettling. But here he’s positioned in such a way that he looks like a perfectly normal, fully functioning human being. You can barely even tell he has a lazy eye.” At press time, after having scanned the rest of Hobson’s photos on the social media website, Wyatt had noticed that Hobson has adopted an identical pose for nearly every picture he has allowed to have been taken of him.

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