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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

The Onion’s Fall TV Preview

Networks are just weeks away from debuting their Fall lineups, featuring both new shows and returning favorites. The Onion breaks down what to watch this Fall.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Weird Porno Stops At Kissing

PASADENA, CA—A local 46-year-old man expressed confusion and disappointment Wednesday after watching what he described as a “really weird” pornographic movie that featured no nudity of any kind and contained only a few brief kissing scenes that never once led to a sexual act. “It’s about this all-American girl-next-door type and her fascination with a sleazy, gray-haired guy, which is usually the kind of thing I’m into, but it turned out to be the strangest porn I’ve ever seen,” said surprised viewer Peter Lindy, explaining that the feature-length 1999 film was based entirely around whether the lead male and female characters will get together in the end, and though they eventually do, “you never see anything close to full penetration.” “I just thought with all the tension between those two, it would turn into a huge fuck-fest, but instead they just make out. At one point, Maggie and Ike exchange a really hot kiss at this wedding rehearsal, and you think someone’s going to step in and Eiffel Tower her or something, but it never happens.” Though perplexed by the film, Lindy confirmed that the final wedding scene was “still pretty hot,” so he was able to get off anyway.

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