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50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
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Weird Porno Stops At Kissing

PASADENA, CA—A local 46-year-old man expressed confusion and disappointment Wednesday after watching what he described as a “really weird” pornographic movie that featured no nudity of any kind and contained only a few brief kissing scenes that never once led to a sexual act. “It’s about this all-American girl-next-door type and her fascination with a sleazy, gray-haired guy, which is usually the kind of thing I’m into, but it turned out to be the strangest porn I’ve ever seen,” said surprised viewer Peter Lindy, explaining that the feature-length 1999 film was based entirely around whether the lead male and female characters will get together in the end, and though they eventually do, “you never see anything close to full penetration.” “I just thought with all the tension between those two, it would turn into a huge fuck-fest, but instead they just make out. At one point, Maggie and Ike exchange a really hot kiss at this wedding rehearsal, and you think someone’s going to step in and Eiffel Tower her or something, but it never happens.” Though perplexed by the film, Lindy confirmed that the final wedding scene was “still pretty hot,” so he was able to get off anyway.

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