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Social Situations

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:

Wedding Guest Etiquette Tips

Attending a wedding comes with its own set of social graces. The Onion provides a list of basic rules of etiquette for being a polite, congenial wedding guest

Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out

NORFOLK, VA—Cracking open a beer and settling into his couch Saturday night, local man Martin Burfette, who had no previously scheduled plans for the evening nor invitations to attend a social gathering of any kind, confirmed that he was simply too ...
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Social Situations

Weird Relative At Family Reunion Knows How Everyone Related To Each Other

WELDON SPRING, MO—Saying she possessed a seemingly limitless wealth of information on various cousins, step-siblings, and in-laws, sources at the 2016 Webb family reunion this past weekend confirmed that weird relative Susan Amos, 73, exhibited a strikingly intricate knowledge of how everyone was related to each other. “Susan’s on another level—she could look at anyone in the room, say who they were, and trace them back to Grandpa Gene [Webb] just like that. She was telling me that Bill is my second cousin’s husband, but I don’t even know who she was talking about,” said reunion attendee Shelly Webb, confirming that her bizarre relative’s encyclopedic knowledge of the Webb family tree went back at least four generations and even included the rarely-heard-from “Anderson branch” that moved to Nebraska in 1996. “The strangest part was when I overheard her explaining to someone else who I was, where I live, and what I do for work, which is crazy because I don’t think I’d met either of them before today.” At press time, sources confirmed that Amos was tearing up while describing the wedding of some nephew nobody had ever heard of named Rick.

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Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out

NORFOLK, VA—Cracking open a beer and settling into his couch Saturday night, local man Martin Burfette, who had no previously scheduled plans for the evening nor invitations to attend a social gathering of any kind, confirmed that he was simply too ...

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