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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Well-Meaning Friends Once Again Try To Set Up Cheryl Miller With Reggie Miller

RIVERSIDE, CA—According to sources close to the former college basketball star, friends of Cheryl Miller once again attempted to set her up on a date with retired Indiana Pacer Reggie Miller on Saturday, apparently still unaware that the two are siblings. “Seriously, you guys have so much in common,” said Miller’s close friend Danielle Kaelin, stressing that the couple would “really hit it off if [Miller] would just give him a chance.” “Reggie loves basketball as much as you do. He played in college and even a few years in the NBA. I won’t lie to you Cheryl—he’s not the best looking guy out there. But he’s still in really great shape for his age, and he’s really rich, too.” At press time, a resigned Miller begrudgingly agreed to go out on a dinner date next week with her younger brother.

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