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Well-Rested Bush At The Top Of His Game

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Well-Rested Bush At The Top Of His Game

CRAWFORD, TX—Fit, trim, confident in his power base, and above all well-rested following a four-week, three-day vacation at his Crawford ranch, President Bush is currently in the prime of his presidential form, pundits say. "Our leader is pumped and primed following his well-earned time off from the economy and the war in Iraq," commentator Sean Hannity said on his radio show Monday. "He is ready to do whatever this nation requires of him—delegating responsibility to capable people, winning a war, rallying citizens around him in the aftermath of a disaster—whatever may come." Bush had originally planned to extend his vacation, as eminently qualified FEMA head Michael Brown is assumed to be taking charge of a routine hurricane in New Orleans.

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