'Well, That Was Cool,' Say Archaeologists Before Dumping Bones Of King Richard III Back Into Hole

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Vol 49 Issue 06

Tips For A Romantic Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Here are some tips for putting together the perfect romantic evening with your loved one: Make his favorite home-cooked meal and leave a trail of it leading to the bed. If you forgot to buy her flowers, ...

Song Crafted In The Deepest Pit Of Hell Wins Big At Grammys

LOS ANGELES—A song forged by the Ruler of Darkness himself in the blackest bowels of the accursed underworld proved to be the big winner at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards Sunday, taking home an impressive six of the music industry’s top honors, including Song of the Year and Best Pop Solo Performance.

SeaWorld Unveils New 20 Whales Stuffed In Pool Show

A PR firm advises the United States to distance itself from Alabama, the FDA announces peanut butter contains traces of rat feces but life's weird like that sometimes, and a doomed rabbit teaches an 8-year-old about responsibility.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

'Well, That Was Cool,' Say Archaeologists Before Dumping Bones Of King Richard III Back Into Hole

LEICESTER, ENGLAND—After authenticating a skeleton exhumed from a parking lot in Northern England as that of British monarch King Richard III, researchers at the University of Leicester agreed that the find was “pretty cool” before tossing the remains back into the ground and heading home. “Okay, well, that’s that—anyone want to keep one of these bones before I dump them?” said lead archaeologist Richard Buckley moments prior to dumping a bucket full of the well-preserved Plantagenet King’s remains into a hole in the ground and brushing the dirt off his hands. “Everybody good? Okay. I’m glad we did this. This was fun.” According to members of the research team, they planned on keeping a small sample of dirt from the gravesite “as a little keepsake.”

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