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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Wellesley College Removes Phrase 'Hot All-Girl Action' From School Brochure

WELLESLEY, MA—Responding to widespread protests, Wellesley College is withdrawing the phrase "Hot All-Girl Action" from its recruitment brochures, spokespersons for the prestigious women's college announced Monday. Said Wellesley president Celia Holmes: "Henceforth, our college brochures will no longer tout the '24-hour, non-stop lesbo pussy party' aspect of the Wellesley experience." Holmes also said that, from now on, the school's website will be accessible without a credit-card number.

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