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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Wellesley College Removes Phrase 'Hot All-Girl Action' From School Brochure

WELLESLEY, MA—Responding to widespread protests, Wellesley College is withdrawing the phrase "Hot All-Girl Action" from its recruitment brochures, spokespersons for the prestigious women's college announced Monday. Said Wellesley president Celia Holmes: "Henceforth, our college brochures will no longer tout the '24-hour, non-stop lesbo pussy party' aspect of the Wellesley experience." Holmes also said that, from now on, the school's website will be accessible without a credit-card number.

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