adBlockCheck

Wendy's To Phase Out Unpopular Hamburger Sandwich

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Wendy's To Phase Out Unpopular Hamburger Sandwich

The hamburger sandwich was a "massive flop."
The hamburger sandwich was a "massive flop."

DUBLIN, OH—Representatives for the restaurant chain Wendy's announced Tuesday that due to the item's continually dismal performance, the company would be discontinuing the widely disliked hamburger sandwich.

The hamburger sandwich, which Wendy's sources described as a ground beef "patty" placed between vegetables and two slices of bread, has long been the restaurant's worst-selling menu item, leading executives to decide that the time had finally come to phase it out of all 6,650 Wendy's locations.

"For more than 40 years, we've tried in vain to get the hamburger sandwich to catch on with our customers, but it is now clear that we're never going to make that happen," Wendy's CEO Roland Smith told reporters. "We knew from the beginning that the hamburger sandwich wasn't going to be for everyone, but we still hoped in vain that it might develop a nice little niche following over time. Unfortunately, it never did."

"After millions of dollars and countless man-hours, we have arrived at a very simple truth," Smith added. "People just flat-out don't like hamburger sandwiches."

Originally devised as an alternative to classic Wendy's favorites like the cucumber tea sandwich or the watercress-and-beet salad with a light vinaigrette, the hamburger sandwich has languished on the restaurant's menu for decades, due largely, officials claimed, to an unwillingness among customers to order something outside their comfort zone.

While the company has experimented with variations on the hamburger sandwich over the years, Wendy's representatives said such efforts have all been met with quizzical reactions—and sometimes even outright revulsion—from customers.

"Honestly, we tried everything," Wendy's research and development head Charles Cullen said. "We tried including free packets of our tomato catsup sauce, but people said the sauce was too sweet. Then we tried putting some cheese on top of the patty, but people didn't like how the cheese melted on the meat. We even tried stacking two hamburger sandwiches on top of each other, but of course everyone hated that because it just meant having to eat more hamburger sandwich."

"There's just something about the combination of flavors in a hamburger sandwich that naturally turns people off," Cullen added.

Company sources also announced that they would be phasing out their unpopular French-fried potatoes, which were added to the menu in an ill-fated, and some said bizarre, attempt to find a pairing for the hamburger sandwich—a combination deemed "thoroughly unappetizing" by 95 percent of Wendy's customers in a recent survey.

The side item will reportedly be replaced by the restaurant's beloved fresh celery sticks in all combo-meal deals.

Though Wendy's has sunk nearly $150 million dollars into the hamburger sandwich project since 1969, Smith maintained that Wendy's would remain financially solvent.

"Every company tries new ideas, and every company has successes and failures," Smith said. "Back in 1991, when we added windows to our restaurants where you could pick up your food in your car, we heard our customer's complaints loud and clear: 'Cars are for driving and food is for eating. Don't try to mix the two.' And so we stopped. This whole hamburger sandwich debacle will be no different."

Wendy's, of course, is only the latest in a series of fast-food restaurant chains to fail on a large scale with the hamburger sandwich: Similar botched attempts have been made by McDonald's, Carl's Jr., Jack in the Box, and the short-lived all-hamburger-sandwich concept restaurant Burger King, which opened and closed its doors within eight months in 1994.

Many industry analysts are saying that continued failure to introduce new products into an already established restaurant chain can have dire financial consequences.

"We've seen many companies in the past nearly bankrupt themselves with these kinds of ideas," food industry analyst Norm Horwitz said. "Look at KFC with their disastrous bucket-full-of-breaded-and-fried-chicken campaign. Or Dairy Queen with their cup full of ice cream and cookies. Perfect examples of why restaurants should stick to what they know."

"In my opinion, they'd all be better off if they stopped trying to think outside the box and just gave people what they wanted already," Horwitz continued. "Something simple like a nice bowl of zucchini goulash with a side of quinoa, and maybe an omega-3 fish oil supplement for the ride home."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close