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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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'We're In This Together, You Guys,' Reports Newest Member Of Crunch Gym

NEW YORK—New Crunch member Harold Nguyen baffled fellow gym-goers with his unbridled zeal and mystifying belief that his enthusiasm was shared by those working out around him, sources reported Monday "All right, everybody, the only way to get better is to work harder, right?" Nguyen was heard saying as he failed to generate any camaraderie whatsoever while simultaneously embarrassing everyone in the vicinity. "Come on, guys, push!" Crunch Fitness trainers have reportedly been persistent in their efforts to remind Nguyen that he still has five days to cancel his new membership and receive a full refund.

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