Wes Welker

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Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

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Wes Welker

Wide Receiver, Denver Broncos

Strengths: Always willing to take one for the team that results in permanent brain trauma; Runs routes that are imperceptible to the human eye

Weaknesses: Demaryius Thomas, Eric Decker; Tangibles

College: Who gives a shit

First Football: 1973 Ford Spiral

Home: Lives with wife inside spacious five-bedroom boot

Biggest Fear: Known only to Bill Belichick

Lifelong Dream: Catching an easy pass from Tom Brady while wide open during the fourth quarter of Super Bowl XLVI

Vehicle: Tiny carriage pulled by six mice

NEXT: Champ Bailey

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