adBlockCheck

Westboro Baptist Church Not Really Sure Why They’re Picketing Allan Arbus' Funeral

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Westboro Baptist Church Not Really Sure Why They’re Picketing Allan Arbus' Funeral

LOS ANGELES—Picketing outside a cemetery in Los Angeles today, members of the Westboro Baptist Church confirmed to reporters that they actually aren’t entirely sure why they chose to protest the funeral of television actor Allan Arbus. “Wait, who is this guy again? Some sort of TV star?” said church member Jill Holland while trying to find any real reason whatsoever why the death of Arbus, a fashion-photographer-turned-actor best known for his role as Dr. Freedman in the popular sitcom M*A*S*H, was God’s way of punishing America for its moral decay and cultural decadence. “As far as I know, he wasn’t gay or bisexual, or the victim of a high-profile mass shooting or terror attack, or an American soldier killed in combat or anything like that. In fact, I’m pretty sure we’re just holding ‘God Hates Fags’ signs outside the funeral of some 95-year-old man who used to be on television for a while.” At press time, church members had overheard that Arbus was of Jewish descent and said, “Okay, well, that’s something.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close