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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Whales Beach Selves In Attempt To Purchase 'The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge'

LOS ANGELES—With the release of the breathtakingly comprehensive and awe-inspiring encyclopedia The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge now exactly one week away, sources near the world’s coastlines have reported seeing whales beach themselves en masse in a desperate attempt to purchase the forthcoming book. “All across the world, we’re seeing thousands of blue whales, killer whales, sperm whales, and pilot whales deliberately washing themselves ashore in order to reach a bookstore and purchase, at any cost, The Onion’s all-new and absolutely essential book,” said local marine biologist Dr. Mark Buhler, who added that many of the large aquatic mammals were also attempting to crawl toward the nearest computer to preorder the magnificent tome, which collects all of the world’s accumulated knowledge. “It seems these cetaceans are all willing to risk dehydration and even death just to catch a glimpse of this breathtaking volume of facts, illustrations, and scholarship. It’s remarkable.” At press time, eyewitnesses reported that millions of birds had also begun to fly in circles above bookstores across the nation in anticipation of the book’s Oct. 23 release date.

 
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