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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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What Grieving Widow Needs Is A Day At The Spa

PACIFIC PALISADES, CA—Now that her husband Harvey has been laid to rest and all the visiting relatives have left, what grieving widow Judith Blauser, 46, really needs is a day at the spa, friend Carrie Thomas reported Tuesday. "Your eyes are so red and puffy from crying... but that's nothing a few cucumber slices and an apricot facial couldn't cure," said Thomas, who attended the Blausers' wedding eight years ago. "I know that seeing poor Harvey there in the casket reminded me how long it's been since I treated myself to a full-body seaweed wrap." Thomas suggested that Blauser fly to Palm Desert for a volcanic sand bath immediately following the reading of the will.

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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

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