What Is Sexy In The Wake Of Sept. 11?

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Vol 37 Issue 46

Boyfriend Ceremoniously Dumped

ELLENSBURG, WA—In a gala breakup featuring the town mayor and the Ellensburg High School marching band, Chris Schiffman was ceremoniously dumped Sunday by Vicki Arness, his girlfriend of three years. "Ladies and gentlemen of Ellensburg, let the word go forth from this day that Vicki and Chris are no longer an item!" Mayor Robert Todd announced before 3,000 cheering attendees. "Vicki has let it be known that she wishes to see other people, and see other people she shall!" The scissors-wielding mayor then officially declared the couple broken up by cutting an oversized photo of them in half.

Report: U.S. Must Reduce Dependence On Foreign Turmoil

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a Cato Institute report released Monday, the U.S. has become overly dependent on foreign turmoil for its conversations and media coverage. "The American people consume as many as 60 million barrels of crude speculation every day, using it for everything from driving discussions to heating up political debates," the report stated. "Unless we can dredge up domestic sources of turmoil, we may end up utterly dependent on the Middle East for conversational fuel."

National Board Of Steve Jaskoviak Requests $10 Billion Bailout

ROCHESTER, MN—Steve Jaskoviak, president of the National Board of Steve Jaskoviak, lobbied Congress for an unprecedented $10 billion bailout package Monday. "In order to continue providing Americans with a full range of Steve Jaskoviak-related services, it is crucial that I receive this aid," Jaskoviak told Congress. "This relief package will not only will cover my $5,612 Visa debt, but numerous administrative costs, as well."

San Francisco Is My Favorite Market

As a marketing executive who does a fair amount of business traveling, I've had the chance to visit a lot of markets. New York, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles—they're all great markets, each with their own unique attractions and attributes. But for my money, there's no market quite like San Francisco.

Wow, Check Out That Motorcycle Revving!

Last night, sometime around 2 a.m., I was ripped from a peaceful slumber by a shockingly loud noise from the street outside. Alternating between a shrill, piercing whine and a thunderous roar, the sound echoed down the block, rattling my bedroom windows with oceanic waves of internal-combustion fury. As I lay there, unable to fall back asleep, my head and pulse pounding, I could think only one thing: Wow, check out that motorcycle revving!

Art Major To Stop Capitalizing Name

COLUMBUS, OH—Michael Wechsler, 19, an Ohio State University art major, announced Monday that he is changing his name to "michael wechsler." "Isn't that so much cooler?" Wechsler said to fellow art major Ethan Reed. "The whole capital-letter thing has always bothered me. It's just a stupid rule that everyone else seems to think they have to follow." Wechsler is also considering changing the spelling of his first name to "mychal."

Bush And The ABM Treaty

Worried about nuclear attacks by terrorists and rogue states, President Bush pulled out of the ABM treaty in the hopes of building a missile shield. What do you think?

Partygoers Mocked By Catering Staff

MARIETTA, GA—Unbeknownst to attendees of Susan and Mel Gullicksen's holiday party Saturday, the Feather & Fennel Catering staff spent most of the evening mocking partygoers behind their backs.
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What Is Sexy In The Wake Of Sept. 11?

What Is Sexy In The Wake Of Sept. 11?

NEW YORK—On Sept. 11, the world changed. The tragic events of that fateful day have had a profound impact on American society, altering—as documented in countless magazines and newspapers—everything from our our travel habits to our tastes in music to our gourmet-cheese preferences. But three months later, one vital question still remains unanswered: What is sexy in the wake of Sept. 11?

After the deaths of so many thousands of people, what turns us on?" asked Robyn Loeb, Life section editor of USA Today. "I'm hearing arched backs, lithe young bodies glistening with sweat, naked lovers embraced in long, slow, steamy kisses. Given everything that we as a nation have been through, when it comes to sex, we long for a return to the tried-and-true."

According to Vogue managing editor Carrie Bettig, beautiful women are in.

"Ever since Sept. 11, we've been seeing a lot of gorgeous women in fashion magazines," Bettig said. "A great many of the models featured in recent spreads have stunning faces and spectacular bodies—long legs, toned stomachs, and gravity-defying breasts. I believe that such images resonate because, in these times of turmoil, we take comfort in femininity. Hence, there is a focus on the female body in its most perfect form."

The change is also reflected in the celebrities we love—and lust.

"Just look at the cover of this month's Vanity Fair," said David Roell, a media-studies professor at Stanford University. "Tom Cruise is posing shirtless with a sultry, smoldering look on his face. Before Sept. 11, Cruise had never appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair without a shirt. Draw your own conclusions."

Erin Weiss, a People senior reporter, is currently working on a cover story on post-Sept. 11 sexiness. She has found that after enduring so much hardship and pain, the American people are eager to look at—and interact with—sexy people.

"Across the country, Americans are seeking out sexiness: Movies featuring sexy actors and actresses are thriving at the box office, strip clubs are packed, gyms are filled with people who either are sexy or aspire to be. Clearly, sex speaks powerfully to our collective need to move forward and enjoy life right now."

Weiss said she is confident that America will emerge from these difficult times sexier than ever.

"On Sept. 11, we lost our innocence," Weiss said. "We're now more mature, more aware. As President Bush said, 'We know what we want, and we know how to get it.' Now, that's sexy."

A few media professionals, however, are staying out of the raging sexiness debate.

"Sexiness after the terrorist attacks?" scoffed Boston Globe editor Matthew Storin. "We did that a month ago. We've also done features on how Sept. 11 has affected dating, the hotel industry, stand-up comedy, leukemia research, high-school football, antique collecting, and the parking situation in downtown Boston. I want to hear some new 9-11 ideas."

"The world is a totally different place now," Storin continued. "This year, instead of the usual Christmas-season stories about holiday displays and shopping, we're doing pieces about how stores are using patriotism in their holiday displays and how people don't feel like shopping."

Added Storin: "Will we ever write those innocent old stories again? That's the question we'll try to answer this Sunday, in a Globe feature piece addressing Sept. 11's effect on holiday-season journalism."

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