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Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.

Raccoon Family Tired Of Taking Care Of Rabid Father

MONTGOMERY, WV—Acknowledging that he has become a real burden on their foraging and nesting activities, a local raccoon family told reporters Tuesday that they are starting to get tired of taking care of their rabid father.
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Whatevs House

This house is pretty cool. It can get a little hot in the summertime, but no big deal. It's pretty roomy. Has a nice deck. The kitchen isn't the biggest in the world, but it works. Anyway. You can have it if you want. Or not. Either way. Reference #965RMM

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