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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Wheelchair-Bound Student Would Have Preferred To Sit Out Pep Rally

ROCK SPRINGS, WY—In spite of the varsity cheerleaders' enthusiasm, Rock Springs Central High sophomore William Boelart would have actually preferred not to have participated in the school's pep rally Monday. "I appreciate the thought, but I didn't really get into being wheeled around wearing a rainbow Afro and holding up a banner that said 'Bulldogs Kick A**,'" Boelart said. "I like it better when the popular kids avoid eye contact with me." Boelart was last used in a school function Dec. 11, when he played a corpse in a production of Arsenic And Old Lace.

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