DANVILLE, IL—After a particular combination of vocalizations and gestures garnered him several laughs Tuesday, local man Terry Lanier announced his plans to repeat the series of actions regularly for the next 12 years.
CHICAGO—Following a protracted period of creative stagnation, struggling 27-year-old musician Tom Ruskin announced Friday his plans to retreat to a remote cabin in the Illinois woods with just his acoustic guitar and an old four-track recorder in or...
MCKINLEY PARK, AK—Denali National Park ranger Steve Griggs confirmed that a grizzly bear suffered a mild sprain when it mauled a hunter Wednesday, the 400-pound animal awkwardly twisting its paw while crushing the man's skull.
SACRAMENTO, CA—In an effort to reduce prison populations throughout the state, California governor Jerry Brown announced today that he would release all inmates who seemed as though they were nice enough people.
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
LYNN, MA—Explaining that it’s highly suspicious for such prejudice to be present in every aspect of society by mere coincidence, local 31-year-old Peter Dowling, an avid conspiracy theorist, told reporters Thursday that he is beginning to beli...
CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.