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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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While Clearing Out Desk, Dan Patrick Sobs Over Picture Of Him And Tim Kurkjian

BRISTOL, CT—Longtime ESPN anchor Dan Patrick, who recently announced that he will leave the sports network in August, broke into spasms of uncontrollable sobbing after finding an old photo of himself and baseball analyst Tim Kurkjian while clearing out his desk last Friday. "Oh my God, I remember this—this was taken right after I let Lance Armstrong off the Budweiser Hot Seat," Patrick said through tears as he displayed the back of the photograph, which read, "Me, Looking Good! With coworker—Sept. 2005." "I wonder what that guy's up to these days." After regaining his composure, Patrick noted the scene that had just taken place would probably make an excellent SportsCenter commercial.

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