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Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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White House Adds Eight Inches To White House Fence

WASHINGTON, DC—Citing a need for heightened national security measures, President Bush had eight inches added to the 12-foot fence that surrounds his residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. "The president has always been a staunch advocate of domestic security, and this brave decision says to any potential burglar that if you want to get into his house, you are going to have an extra eight inches of fence to contend with," said White House press secretary Tony Snow at a news briefing Monday, adding that the president will also leave the television and the lights on every time he and the first lady go out. "In addition, the president got another guard dog, and, from now on, the garage doors will always be closed." While Snow denied rumors that the Bushes were considering moving to a safer nearby suburb, he confirmed that the new "This White House Protected By A Homeland Security System" sign on the front lawn is indeed just a clever deterrent.

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