adBlockCheck

Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Black Man Does 8 Years

GO TO FEATURE

White House Announces Sasha Obama To Now Be Played By Britney Watkins

WASHINGTON—In a move that has caused a nationwide stir among the first daughter’s extensive fan base, White House officials announced at a press briefing Thursday that starting next week, Sasha Obama will be played by up-and-coming actress Britney Watkins. “When my agent called yesterday and told me ‘You got Sasha,’ I couldn’t believe it,” said Watkins, the 12-year-old replacing identical twin actresses Ashley and Jamie Richards, who have played the role to mostly positive reviews since 2011. “I’m really excited about the opportunity to take Sasha in a new direction. The nation should expect her to become a little moodier as she enters her teenage years. She might even be getting into a little more trouble than what people are used to seeing.” Sources confirmed Watkins has already visited the White House wardrobe department and been outfitted with lace-up platform boots, a black velvet cloak, and additional goth attire.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close