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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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White House Carefully Screening Any Gun Control Town Hall Questions That Address Obama As ‘Mein Führer’

WASHINGTON—In an effort to ensure a constructive discussion for tonight’s town hall on gun control, White House Communications Director Jen Psaki told reporters Thursday that officials are carefully screening any audience questions that refer to President Obama as “Mein Führer.” “While we try to include as many different questions as we can regarding the various elements of the gun control debate, any inquiry that specifically addresses the president as ‘Mein Führer’ will be immediately discarded,” said Psaki, adding that the vetting process also involved promptly removing submissions that contain various iterations of “tyrant,” “the Kenyan,” and “Dictator Obama.” “It’s quite challenging to catch all of them since there are so many questions, and most are written in all capital letters, with multiple exclamation points instead of question marks. We received an excellent query about state versus federal background check protocols, but it began with a reference to Sharia law, so it was instantly rejected.” Psaki told reporters, however, that in order to fill out the hour-long forum, the White House would have to let one question about false flag attacks slide.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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