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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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White House Carefully Screening Any Gun Control Town Hall Questions That Address Obama As ‘Mein Führer’

WASHINGTON—In an effort to ensure a constructive discussion for tonight’s town hall on gun control, White House Communications Director Jen Psaki told reporters Thursday that officials are carefully screening any audience questions that refer to President Obama as “Mein Führer.” “While we try to include as many different questions as we can regarding the various elements of the gun control debate, any inquiry that specifically addresses the president as ‘Mein Führer’ will be immediately discarded,” said Psaki, adding that the vetting process also involved promptly removing submissions that contain various iterations of “tyrant,” “the Kenyan,” and “Dictator Obama.” “It’s quite challenging to catch all of them since there are so many questions, and most are written in all capital letters, with multiple exclamation points instead of question marks. We received an excellent query about state versus federal background check protocols, but it began with a reference to Sharia law, so it was instantly rejected.” Psaki told reporters, however, that in order to fill out the hour-long forum, the White House would have to let one question about false flag attacks slide.

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