adBlockCheck

White House Had Prior Knowledge Of Cheney Threat

Top Headlines

Recent News

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

White House Had Prior Knowledge Of Cheney Threat

WASHINGTON, DC—Government documents declassified today reveal that President Bush was briefed last summer of "a substantial risk" that Vice President Dick Cheney would shoot an elderly male in the face sometime in the next several months.

Reports indicate that the White House had this photo of Cheney hunting senior citizens as early as 2001.

In a Presidential Daily Briefing given to Bush in August 2005, the CIA warned that the vice president was a potent threat to the senior population at large, and in particular "possessed the capabilities and intentions to spray a senior citizen with projectiles fired from a shotgun or other weapon." A second brief identified the population at risk as those "between 70 and 80 years of age," and warned that the vice president posed the greatest threat to "seniors in close proximity to the vice president when he is armed."

The brief, which urged the White House to take "the most thorough possible precautions to disable this threat to the faces, necks, and chests of the nation's elderly," was issued a full six months before the events of Feb. 11.

The emergence of the document is causing many to question whether Bush and his staff adequately understood or appreciated the the risk posed by Cheney.

"To learn that the president's own people advised him in advance of the strong likelihood that Cheney might spray a helpless geriatric victim with bird shot, and still he did nothing, brings to light very serious concerns about this administration's Cheney-containment policies," said Victor Steinberg, director of the Froman Institute, a D.C.-based organization that monitors vice-presidential violence.

Further investigation revealed that reports of potential Cheney violence have surfaced since the early '90s, but were given higher priority in the Clinton Administration. In January 2001, outgoing Clinton Administration officials made specific warnings to Colin Powell, emphasizing the vice-presidential threat.

In a statement released Monday, White House press secretary Scott McClellan pointed to the number of times that random Cheney attacks have been prevented or stopped by the administration.

Vice President Dick Cheney

"The president routinely deals with any number of reports concerning the vice president's assaults on our nation's elderly, such as ear-biting, clubbing, or in one case, the hurtling of a photocopier," McClellan said. "In each case, the president has seen that appropriate steps are taken, whether that means close monitoring of the vice president, adjustments in his medication, or the removal of heavy equipment from his offices, to ensure the safety of those around him."

"We assure you that protecting senior citizens from vice-presidential shotgun blasts was, is, and will remain the highest priority of this administration," he added.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close