White House Increases Security After Man Shows Up At Oval Office Looking For Obama

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Vol 49 Issue 33

Government Finally Admits Existence Of Area 51

In declassified CIA documents, the government officially acknowledged for the first time ever the existence of Area 51, saying that the top-secret location in the Nevada desert was created as a testing site for the U-2 spy plane in the 1950s.

Dog Unaware It Isn't Starving

Scientists finally pronounce the human genome, a new report finds that the Washington Redskins’ name is only offensive if you think about what it means, and a bigoted asshole makes the best barbecue.
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White House Increases Security After Man Shows Up At Oval Office Looking For Obama

WASHINGTON—The U.S. Secret Service announced Wednesday that the White House has upgraded its security procedures following a recent incident in which Donald Glazer, a 51-year-old man who had no prior appointment scheduled, showed up unannounced at the Oval Office looking for President Barack Obama. “Mr. Glazer waited by himself for 45 minutes, milling about the empty Oval Office and idly thumbing through the materials left out on President Obama’s desk while waiting for the commander-in-chief to return,” said Secret Service Director Julia Pierson, adding that while Glazer wasn’t threatening or armed, he should not have been able to enter the White House through a staff access door, walk through the Rose Garden, enter the West Wing, say “I’m here to see Barack Obama,” and be let into the Oval Office. “From now on, we will be maintaining a visitor log that all White House guests will be required to sign before being permitted on the premises, as well as installing metal detectors at several key entry points. Additionally—and this is of the utmost importance—we must make an effort to keep all doors and gates to the White House locked at all times. No exceptions.” Sources later told reporters that Glazer wanted to talk to Obama about getting E-ZPass booths installed along Nebraska toll roads.

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