Wide-Eyed Minor Leaguer Never Thought He’d One Day Be Playing In NBT Bank Stadium

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 27

Belichick To Tebow: ‘I’m Your Lord And Savior Now’

BOSTON—Warning that he was a dark and vengeful God, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly pulled aside Tim Tebow at the team’s facilities Thursday and informed the backup quarterback that he was his only Lord and savior now...

New Tandem Mobility Scooter Released

A dying kid in Houston is holding on until the Astros develop a player worth meeting, fossilized evidence reveals the Spazosaurus was the largest doofus ever to roam the earth, and a Facebook friend is apparently under the impression that Ron Paul is stil...

Sibling Bullying Just As Bad As Peer Bullying

A recent study found that kids who were physically or psychologically bullied by siblings suffered comparable or even worse mental health outcomes than if they were bullied by neighbors or classmates.

U.S. Celebrates Independence Day

Americans are enjoying the day off with friends and family in celebration of the 237th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Healthy Eating

Wide-Eyed Minor Leaguer Never Thought He’d One Day Be Playing In NBT Bank Stadium

SYRACUSE, NY—Days after stepping foot onto the minor league baseball diamond for the first time, recently called up Syracuse Chiefs catcher Kris Watts told reporters Wednesday that he never in his wildest dreams thought he would one day have the chance to play in the “legendary” NBT Bank Stadium. “As a kid, you always fantasize about someday playing at the ’T, but to see it actually happen—it’s just incredible,” said the wide-eyed AAA backstop, adding that he still can’t believe he gets to run the bases on the same “hallowed ground” where Syracuse legend Corey Brown once hit a grand slam off Ryan Feierabend in front of 11,000 screaming Chiefs fans. “I mean, I leave my house every day and drive right up to 1 Tex Simone Drive like it’s the most normal thing on earth. And then I walk out of the dugout to play catch with guys like Yunesky Maya and Mark Lowe. It’s just crazy to think about.” Watts added that he still hadn’t quite wrapped his head around the fact that he now plays under iconic Chiefs manager and former Pittsburgh Pirates third-base coach Tony Beasley.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More