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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Wide-Eyed Minor Leaguer Never Thought He’d One Day Be Playing In NBT Bank Stadium

SYRACUSE, NY—Days after stepping foot onto the minor league baseball diamond for the first time, recently called up Syracuse Chiefs catcher Kris Watts told reporters Wednesday that he never in his wildest dreams thought he would one day have the chance to play in the “legendary” NBT Bank Stadium. “As a kid, you always fantasize about someday playing at the ’T, but to see it actually happen—it’s just incredible,” said the wide-eyed AAA backstop, adding that he still can’t believe he gets to run the bases on the same “hallowed ground” where Syracuse legend Corey Brown once hit a grand slam off Ryan Feierabend in front of 11,000 screaming Chiefs fans. “I mean, I leave my house every day and drive right up to 1 Tex Simone Drive like it’s the most normal thing on earth. And then I walk out of the dugout to play catch with guys like Yunesky Maya and Mark Lowe. It’s just crazy to think about.” Watts added that he still hadn’t quite wrapped his head around the fact that he now plays under iconic Chiefs manager and former Pittsburgh Pirates third-base coach Tony Beasley.

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