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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Wife Already Knows The One Thing She’ll Say That Can Never Be Taken Back

OCALA, FL—Acknowledging that she has the ability to forever change the dynamic of her marriage with only a few simple words, area wife Sarah Causley told reporters Tuesday that she already knows the single comment she will never be able to take back once spoken. “There are a lot of things I could say that would be hurtful, but this one’s different—if I ever said it out loud, there’s no amount of apologizing that could make things right again,” said Causley, who confirmed that she hopes she never has to use the remark, but stated that if she did, there would be absolutely no going back to the life that she and her spouse have shared for the past 18 months, from their day-to-day intimacy to their long-term plans and goals. “The thing is, it’s always sitting right there in the back of my head whenever we’re arguing, and would be really easy to pull out if I had to. I know the exact wording too.” Causley’s husband later informed reporters that he already knows the one thing his wife most needs to hear that he will never be able to bring himself to say.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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