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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Wife Always Dragging Husband Into Her Marital Problems

HOUSTON—Banker Robert "Rob Boy" Grelman expressed annoyance with his wife Janet Monday, saying she consistently involves him in her marital problems. "Every day, it's, 'Oh God, I'm married to someone who doesn't understand me,' or, 'Bob, do you think you could pick up after yourself?'" Grelman said. "Don't get me wrong—I have marriage problems of my own—but I don't know what she wants me to do about hers." Grelman added that his children, following their mother's example, have lately attempted to drag him into their family problems.

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