Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.
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Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband. “Now that I’m getting into my late 30s, if there was ever a time to get serious about having a second husband, it’s now,” said Roderick, who has recently been catching herself looking wistfully at other people’s husbands and remembering how happy she was the moment she saw hers for the very first time. “I have friends who are onto their second, sometimes even their third, and it’s just something I see myself wanting more and more.” Roderick added that while she was hoping for a second husband, she would be equally thrilled if she ended up with a girl.

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