Wife's Needs Gross

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Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

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Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

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SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

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Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

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Wife's Needs Gross

EDINA, MN—Janice Fewless' sexual, emotional, and toiletry requirements are "really starting to get disgusting," her husband, Kenneth Fewless, told reporters Wednesday.

"Last week she asked me if I would look deep into her eyes when we're having sex and tell her how much I love her," said Fewless, whose own personal needs include watching baseball, planting vegetables in his backyard garden, and not being asked to pick up heavy-flow tampons for his wife. "Eww."

Fewless added that his wife's need for him to always pay attention to her when she is crying about something is too sickening even to consider.


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