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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Wikipedia Users Surprised Nobody's Made Page For John Lennon Yet

SAN FRANCISCO—Users of the popular reference website Wikipedia were reportedly surprised this week upon discovering that the online encyclopedia contained no entry for Beatles co-founder and legendary singer-songwriter John Lennon. “John Lennon sold over a billion records and influenced an entire generation, so I guess I just figured he would have his own Wikipedia page,” said Collin Acker, 34, after clicking on a red link bearing Lennon’s name, which directed him to a page indicating that an entry on the iconic songwriter behind “All You Need Is Love” and “Imagine” did not exist but that he could create one. “All the other Beatles are on here. Hell, Yoko [Ono] is on here. Even Pete Best has 12 whole sections on his page. Huh.” At press time, Acker was reading the extensive Wikipedia page on musician Sean Lennon, which referred to his superstar father only once as “John Lennon, father, deceased.”

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