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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Wine Glasses, Burnt-Down Candles, Strewn Rose Petals Suggest Dolphins Courting Pete Carroll

MIAMI—Although Dolphins officials are being coy—some say almost coquettish—about whether or not they met with Pete Carroll concerning their open coaching position, the remnants of a tray of chocolate-dipped strawberries, several half-melted floating candles, and 54 near-empty wine glasses in the Dolphin Stadium players' lounge suggest the organization is seriously wooing the USC head coach. "Miami planned this whole elaborate night to show Pete that they were genuinely interested in him: the stadium lights were dimmed, soft Al Green music was piping out of the PA system, and there was a trail of unwound athletic tape, hastily discarded football jerseys, and kicked-off cleats leading all the way to the Dolphins' team bedroom," ESPN analyst Len Pasquarelli said. "If everything goes smoothly, this deal should be done by the end of this upcoming lost weekend." Some eyewitnesses, however, claim they saw an unshaven, visibly upset Carroll stomp his way to a waiting taxi outside Dolphin Stadium at 4 a.m. after Bill Cowher allegedly showed up to thank the Dolphins for the box of chocolates they sent him.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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