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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Winner Of World Cup Hammered Out Just In Time For Tournament

SÃO PAULO, BRAZIL—With only hours to go before Thursday’s opening match between Brazil and Croatia, sources confirmed that FIFA officials managed to hammer out the winner of the World Cup just in time for the tournament. “It was a close call, but we finally ironed out which country will win the World Cup on July 13,” FIFA president Sepp Blatter told reporters, emphasizing that while he and his colleagues had procrastinated in fixing the results of all 64 matches, the tournament organizers, referees, and the coaches and players from every team are “fully on board” with the predetermined outcomes following extensive negotiations. “I can’t reveal too much right now, but I can assure you that this tournament is going to feature huge upsets, thrilling stoppage time goals, and more than a few surprises for the fans. It’s going to be a wonderful World Cup.” Blatter added that he was eager to avoid a repeat of the 2010 World Cup, in which several matches were played without a winner having been previously determined, resulting in hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost bribes.

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