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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Winner Of World Cup Hammered Out Just In Time For Tournament

SÃO PAULO, BRAZIL—With only hours to go before Thursday’s opening match between Brazil and Croatia, sources confirmed that FIFA officials managed to hammer out the winner of the World Cup just in time for the tournament. “It was a close call, but we finally ironed out which country will win the World Cup on July 13,” FIFA president Sepp Blatter told reporters, emphasizing that while he and his colleagues had procrastinated in fixing the results of all 64 matches, the tournament organizers, referees, and the coaches and players from every team are “fully on board” with the predetermined outcomes following extensive negotiations. “I can’t reveal too much right now, but I can assure you that this tournament is going to feature huge upsets, thrilling stoppage time goals, and more than a few surprises for the fans. It’s going to be a wonderful World Cup.” Blatter added that he was eager to avoid a repeat of the 2010 World Cup, in which several matches were played without a winner having been previously determined, resulting in hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost bribes.

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