Winning Lottery Numbers So Obvious In Hindsight

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Vol 49 Issue 32

Carl Tresvant

Since he didn’t know anything about the topic being discussed, Carl Tresvant kept his goddamn trap shut.

Obama Taking 8-Day Martha’s Vineyard Vacation

The Obama family will leave Saturday for an 8-day vacation on the quiet, affluent island of Martha’s Vineyard, where they have visited three of the past four summers, and are expected to spend the week golfing, shopping, and relaxing.

Doctors Finally Clear Peyton Manning To Play Football

DENVER—Two years after performing his 2011 spinal fusion surgery, doctors announced this week that Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has been officially cleared to return to the field and take part in football activities.
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Winning Lottery Numbers So Obvious In Hindsight

RICHMOND, VA—According to numerous sources nationwide, the winning lottery numbers in Wednesday night’s $448 million Powerball Jackpot are, in hindsight, completely and maddeningly self-evident. “Jesus Christ, 58-5-25-59-30 and powerball 32! Of course!” said Richmond local Alexis Tavish, 41, noting that those particular numbers were a “total layup” and were practically staring her in the face the whole time. “How could I be so stupid? That 58 at the beginning? Talk about a gimme. And don’t even get me started on the 25 or the 30. I mean, in retrospect, what other numbers could they have been?” Sources confirmed that next time they will definitely just think for another second or two before picking the winning numbers.

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