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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Winter Meetings Heat Up With Rumors That Hotel Has An Indoor Pool

DALLAS—Team owners across the major leagues were galvanized Monday by news that the Hilton Anatole hotel, which will host professional baseball's official 2011 winter meetings, may feature an indoor pool. "Aw, man, I'm totally gonna bring my trunks," said Cleveland Indians general manager Chris Antonetti, adding that he hopes the pool is "one of those ones where half is indoors and the other half is outdoors." "I'm definitely spending all my time in there. And I'm gonna splash [Boston Red Sox owner] John Henry if he walks by, because he ought to be in the pool anyway." A spokesman for the Hilton Anatole confirmed the hotel features two indoor pools, plus an outdoor pool with a swim-up bar, and has been the site of baseball's winter meetings six previous times.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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