Winter Meetings Heat Up With Rumors That Hotel Has An Indoor Pool

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Vol 47 Issue 49

Coach Secretly Turned On By Illegal Formation

TAMPA BAY, FL—Buccaneers quarterbacks coach Alex Van Pelt admitted to reporters Saturday that even though he knows it's wrong and "very, very naughty," he secretly gets aroused when he sees a team line up in an illegal formation.

Who Is Romney Today?

Critics have long complained that instead of sticking to strong positions on issues such as immigration, federal spending, and health care reform, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has routinely changed his stance to appeal to voters. Here...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Race Relations

Winter Meetings Heat Up With Rumors That Hotel Has An Indoor Pool

DALLAS—Team owners across the major leagues were galvanized Monday by news that the Hilton Anatole hotel, which will host professional baseball's official 2011 winter meetings, may feature an indoor pool. "Aw, man, I'm totally gonna bring my trunks," said Cleveland Indians general manager Chris Antonetti, adding that he hopes the pool is "one of those ones where half is indoors and the other half is outdoors." "I'm definitely spending all my time in there. And I'm gonna splash [Boston Red Sox owner] John Henry if he walks by, because he ought to be in the pool anyway." A spokesman for the Hilton Anatole confirmed the hotel features two indoor pools, plus an outdoor pool with a swim-up bar, and has been the site of baseball's winter meetings six previous times.

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