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Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Winter Olympics Inspire Nation’s Youth To Try Sports Their Parents Can’t Afford

WASHINGTON—Inspired by the breathtaking acrobatics and death-defying high speeds of Winter Olympics events, the nation’s youth were reportedly motivated this week to go out and try sports their parents could never possibly afford. “Cool, I can’t wait to hit the slopes and do that,” said 15-year-old Davenport, IA resident Eric Wallace, echoing the sentiment of young people across the country whose families can’t pay for the highly specialized equipment and clothing, beginner instructions at expensive training facilities, participation fees, extensive travel, lift tickets, or inevitable medical bills. “It’s going to be amazing when I’m flying across the snow and flipping around in the air like Shaun White.” Though concerned about shelling out at least $3,000 before their children ever step foot on snow or ice, the nation’s parents were reportedly excited about the money they would inevitably save when American youths immediately quit the sports after complaining they were too difficult.

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