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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Winter Storm Threatens Homeless Man’s Plans To Survive Over Thanksgiving

SYRACUSE, NY—Following reports of a severe winter storm system threatening to pummel several areas of the nation’s Northeast, Syracuse-area homeless citizen Randall Limpkin told reporters today the impending storm could very well threaten his plans to survive over Thanksgiving. “They said the storm’s supposed to be at its worst on Wednesday, which is definitely going to completely disrupt my plan of not freezing to death on a barren city street during the holiday weekend,” said Limpkin, adding that he had been planning as early as August to live over Thanksgiving. “I mean, I was really looking forward to being alive this Thanksgiving, but I guess with this weather you can’t really plan to not die, you know?” At press time, Limpkin told reporters that, regardless of what happened, he was definitely not planning on surviving over Christmas.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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