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Tips For Successful Campus Activism

With protests effecting change at colleges and universities across the country, many students are looking to follow the example and bring awareness to causes of their own. Here are The Onion’s tips for successful campus activism

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

How To Arrange A Funeral

Losing a loved one can send mourners into a haze of emotion, and funeral planning can seem like a daunting task amidst one’s grief. Here is The Onion’s step-by-step guide to making funerary preparations

Tips For Throwing The Perfect Baby Shower

Every mother-to-be deserves a celebration of her upcoming arrival, and the best baby shower is one that fuses elegance with good fun. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing the perfect baby shower

Tips For Jury Duty

Being summoned to serve on a jury is every American’s opportunity to participate in the judicial process and perform a civic duty for their community, but it can be a time-consuming and complicated process. Here are The Onion’s tips for serving jury duty:

Tips For Conquering Phobias

Even the most rational, clear-thinking adults can have anxieties that interfere with their routine, and learning to manage them is key to living a life free from fear. Here are The Onion’s tips for conquering your phobias:

SAT Prep Tips

The first SAT test of the new school year takes place November 7, and students’ scores will determine which colleges will take their applications seriously. Here are some tips for acing the SAT and getting into the college of your dreams

How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

It’s not easy to decide when and how to have a discussion with children about sex, and many parents wonder how explicit they should be or where to establish boundaries. Here are The Onion’s tips for having “the talk” with your kids:

Tips For Training Your Dog

Bringing a dog into the family can be as difficult as it is rewarding, and pet owners must set rules and boundaries for the newest members of their household. Here are The Onion’s tips for training your dog

Tips For Choosing The Right Veterinarian

Bringing a pet into your life is a rewarding experience, though it also involves finding someone you trust to provide capable medical care. Here are The Onion’s tips for choosing the right veterinarian:

Tips For Handling A Picky Eater

Having a child who refuses to eat most foods can be both frustrating and alarming for parents, but there are ways to work through this phase as a family. Here are The Onion’s tips for handling a picky eater

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids

Tips For Cheaper Airfare

Whether the busy travel season, fuel prices, or airline collusion is to blame, airfare is currently very pricey, making traveling more difficult. The Onion walks you through some ways to reduce the cost of flying

Comic-Con Survival Guide

San Diego Comic-Con is expected to draw more than 130,000 fans to Southern California this year to participate in cosplaying, attend panels, go to film screenings, and learn more about their favorite series. Here are some tips for surviving the four-day conference

Marathon Training Tips

Running a marathon is a major life goal for many people, but it takes precise planning and extensive training to succeed in the 26.2-mile-long race. Here are some training tips for marathon hopefuls:

Tips For Keeping Your Energy Bills Down

Extreme heat during the summer means many households will face months of skyrocketing energy bills. Here are some tips for saving energy and keeping your monthly bill reasonable

Keeping Your Possessions Safe While Traveling

Traveling during the summer can be fun and exhilarating, but nothing ruins a trip like getting your possessions stolen. Whether you’re hiking, road-tripping, or relaxing at a resort, here are some tips for making sure your items are safe during your travels:

The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

Car Buying Tips

Buying a car is a huge financial investment, and it’s important to make sure you’ve taken the right steps to finding the most affordable and convenient vehicle for you. Here are some tips for picking out and purchasing a car:

Breakup Survival Tips

Everyone goes through breakups, but learning how to deal with your feelings and find closure can help you get over your split in a healthy, productive way. Here are some tips for surviving your breakup and moving on from your relationship

Tips For Last-Minute Test Cramming

With the academic year winding down at grade schools and colleges across the country, students are buckling down and trying to maximize their study time before taking final exams. Here are some helpful tips as you cram for a test

Guide To Building Your Personal Brand

With the internet becoming more central to people’s personal and professional lives, it’s more important than ever for individuals to build a “personal brand” that markets themselves to the online community. Here are some tips for cultivating a personal brand

Tips For Going Green

As climate change, pollution, and population growth continue to damage the environment, it’s more important than ever for consumers to make eco-friendly decisions and practice green habits.

Tips For Dealing With College Rejection

Colleges across the country have mailed out acceptance and rejection letters for next year’s incoming class of students, which means many high school seniors will have to confront being denied admission to their top schools and figure out how to ...

Spring Break Safety Tips

Spring break is an opportunity for many college students to travel, party, and make memories with their friends, but it can also lead to problems if people aren’t careful.

Snow Shoveling Tips

In the midst of heavy winter blizzards, digging yourself out of the drifts can be both an inconvenient chore and a dangerous task linked to fatigue and heart attacks.

Blizzard Survival Tips

Meteorologists are forecasting that a major blizzard will hit the Northeast starting Monday night, with more than two feet of snow potentially shutting down roads and keeping residents from New Jersey to Maine stuck in their homes.

Last-Minute Holiday Travel Tips

Whether you’re rerouting canceled flights or changing destinations on the fly, nothing can be more stressful during the holidays than making travel arrangements at the last minute.

Pet Adoption Tips

Animal shelters across the country are filled with dogs, cats, and other animals that need homes, though bringing a pet into your family can be both a rewarding and challenging experience.

Tips For Finding The Right Doctor

Every person has different needs and preferences when it comes to health care, which is why it’s essential to find a high-quality physician whom you trust and respect.

Tips For Paying For College

While many students take out federal or private loans to pay for college, the costs of tuition, fees, and room and board still leave many people struggling to finance their education.

Tips For A Healthy Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a challenging time for any expectant mother, but eating well, getting prenatal care, and being active are all ways that women can stay healthy and feel great.

Back-To-School Preparation Tips For Parents

With millions of children heading back to school next week, parents across the country are stocking up on supplies, getting in touch with teachers, and setting expectations to help their kids succeed.

Tips For Being An Unarmed Black Teen

With riots raging in Ferguson, MO following the shooting death by police of an unarmed African-American youth, the nation has turned its eyes toward social injustice and the continuing crisis of race relations.

Tips For Achieving Peace In The Middle East

With the Israeli-Palestinian conflict escalating, sectarian violence boiling over in Iraq, and Syria mired in a civil war that’s now more than three years old, the Middle East continues to be plagued by bloodshed and unrest.

Tips For Choosing A Good Babysitter

More mothers and fathers today are working full-time while raising kids, which means parents are increasingly turning to babysitters and nannies to care for their children at home.

Fireworks Safety Tips

Independence Day is quickly approaching, which means many friends and families are purchasing fireworks to set off in celebration.

Tips For The Perfect Cruise

Summer is a popular time of year for cruises, with everyone from singles and families to veteran passengers and honeymooners hitting the high seas on luxury liners to visit destinations around the world.

Beach Safety Tips

The return of warm temperatures and summer sun means many families and friends are hitting the beach to swim, sunbathe, and relax.

Tips For Baby-Proofing Your Home

Babies spend the first year of life exploring their surroundings by tasting and touching, which is why it’s essential for parents to be diligent in protecting them.

Tips For Getting In Shape

With swimsuit season on the horizon, Americans across the nation are working hard to get their bodies in peak physical fitness for summer.

Tips For Improving Memory

Many people find themselves struggling to recall an acquaintance’s name or remember where they left an important item, like their keys or cell phone. Here are a few simple brain-boosting tips that will help you avoid these mental missteps and improve your memory

Networking Tips

Connecting with professionals in the same field can open up a world of opportunity for job seekers.

Tips For Troubleshooting Your Computer

Even the most experienced user can run into error messages, software crashes, hardware malfunctions, and other issues with their computer. Here are some tips for keeping your machine running smoothly

Tips For Pulling An All-Nighter

Getting a good night’s sleep is imperative for good health, but once in a while it’s necessary to stay up all night to get work done.

Tips For Disciplining Your Kids

Raising children to become well-behaved adults is a challenge every parent faces. Here are The Onion’s tips for disciplining your kids

Tips For Getting Over The Flu

Flu season is in full swing with at least 25 states reporting widespread cases of the illness. Here are The Onion’s tips for beating the flu

Tips For Keeping Warm This Winter

Millions of people are looking for ways to keep warm as temperatures plunge across the nation. Here are The Onion’s tips for staying comfortable during the coldest days of winter: Body heat is the best kind of warmth. Simply cut your chest o...

The Onion’s Tips For Traveling Over The Holidays

You never know when you’ll get stranded at an airport or train station, so make sure you don’t go hungry by packing two large burlap sacks full of steak meat and apples. Exchange knowing glances with the TSA agent. You’re one of the goo...

Tech Tips

Much like wine, the second cheapest option is usually the best. Getting a portable hard drive is easier and cheaper than ever, but how much would you pay if all your precious photos and e-mail fell into the wrong hands? Certainly seems worth at least thr...

Headache-Relief Tips

Millions of Americans regularly suffer from headaches. Here are some tips to help prevent them and ease the pain:

Dating Tips

The dating world can be a bewildering place. Here are some tips to help you navigate the perilous waters of love:

Firearm-Safety Tips

When operating a firearm, safety is paramount. Here are some tips to reduce the risk of mishaps:

Stop Smoking Tips

Millions of Americans are addicted to smoking. If you are among them but don't want to be, here are some tips to help you kick the habit.

Y2K Survival Tips

With the new millennium nearly upon us, here are some handy tips to help prepare you for what may lie ahead:

Earthquake Safety Tips

Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:

'Keep-Cool' Tips

Much of the U.S. remains in the grips of a record heat wave. Here are some handy tips to help you stay cool and safe in this dangerously hot summer weather:

Summer Slim-Down Tips

It's hard to believe, but in just a few short months, it'll be time to put on that dreaded bathing suit. Here are some tips to help you shed those winter pounds and look great on the beach all summer long.

Winterizing Tips

The season of sledding and snowmen, winter can be lots of fun—if you prepare in advance. Here are some tips on getting ready for the cold:

Time-Management Tips

In this era of faxing and multitasking, being able to effectively manage your time is essential. Here are some tips to help you maximize your work hours:

Sun Safety Tips

When summer rolls around, everybody wants that perfect tan--but it's important to play it smart. Here are some tips for safe, sensible tanning:
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Winterizing Tips

Winter, the season of sledding and snowmen, can be lots of fun—if you prepare in advance. Here are some tips on getting ready for the cold:

  • If your heat is turned off, remember: In a pinch you can cut open your fat spouse and sleep in his/her 98.6° abdominal cavity.
  • Use phrases like "I love you" and "You are special to me" to create warm feelings in home.
  • Check anti-freeze level if ice build-up becomes a problem in beverages.
  • Be sure to caulk all drafty orifices.
  • This winter, heat things up with "Red-Hot Friday Late-Nites" on Cinemax.
  • Encase your car battery in a warm glow of positive reinforcement by visualizing it bathed in a nurturing, healing light.
  • If absolutely necessary, it is considered acceptable to slay and eat your dogsled team.
  • Heat comes from fire; make sure your house is made of materials that burn.
  • Cover your home stereo system with weather-resistant tape—this will prevent Old Man Edgar Winter from gaining a foothold.
  • Grow thick layer of fur on body.
  • Cover tongue with special Gore-Tex sock before tasting icy metal poles.
  • Enjoy a hot beverage from time to time.
  • If flying above the Andes Mountains this winter season, bring along plenty of extra Paraguayan soccer players "just in case."
  • Plug up crevices of house with mixture of sheep dung and straw.
  • Save fatty parts of whales and seals to use as fuel.
  • Master the art of hibernation by developing an enzyme that breaks down urea and other potentially poisonous chemicals created by the body during dormancy.

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