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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Wish Zone Returns With The Story Of A Boy Who Doesn't Let Wheelchair Stop Him From Beating Boy Who Accidentally Paralyzed Him

Grab your tissues and get ready to weep, because tonight at 8/7c SportsDome returns with another chapter in the most inspiring sports-wish granting volume on television: The Wish Zone.

Tonight in the Wish Zone, Jay Woodworth visits a high school football standout named Dylan Fitzpatrick, whose career was tragically cut short in an instant on the field with a clean hit that left Dylan unable to walk. But Jay and the Wish Zone crew help Dylan fulfill his wish of paralyzing the boy who paralyzed him.

Before meeting Dylan and watching his Wish of revenge come true, hear about some of our favorite Wish Zone moments and relive the story of Allison Pencey, the sick little Phillies fan who saw her Wish of heckling Mets third baseman David Wright:

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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