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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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With .163 Average, Adam Dunn No Longer Considered A Baseball Player

CHICAGO—After his batting average slumped to a historically low .163 this week, White Sox DH Adam Dunn received an official notice from Major League Baseball Thursday informing him that he no longer met the minimum requirements to be labeled an official baseball player. "He's certainly allowed to continue playing baseball, but he cannot legally refer to himself as a 'baseball player,'" an MLB spokesperson said in a statement, adding that Dunn would now be called what the league refers to as a ‘baseball participant.’ “We are confident Adam will eventually regain his abilities. For now, however, we think it's best to disassociate his horrible hitting from the great game of baseball." When asked for comment, Dunn expressed relief and claimed that joining the ranks of players like Mike Cameron and Jorge Posada would at least take some pressure off of him.

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