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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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WNBA Apparently Giving It Another Shot

SACRAMENTO—Sports fans nationwide reported feelings of surprise, amusement, and grudging admiration after discovering that the Detroit Shock and Sacramento Monarchs of the Women's National Basketball Association met Saturday in what seems to be the first game of the WNBA's 11th season. "Hey, if these ladies want to try and go for it one more time, more power to them," said basketball fan Theresa Jacobsen, who came across an advertisement for the game while checking ESPN for news of the basketball playoffs. "You really have to respect their persistence, going out every year like this no matter what." Details such as the final score of the Shock–Monarchs game, the times and locations of other WNBA games, or the names and locations of other WNBA teams, were unknown as of press time.

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