WNBA Draft To Double As Bachelorette Auction

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Vol 42 Issue 02

Bowl Week Highlights

The 2005-2006 NCAA football season culminated with a week of unusually memorable college bowl games. What are the most notable moments?

New York Jets Finish Season

RUTHERFORD, NJ—Despite the doubts of many football fans, media figures, and people within the Jets organization itself, the New York Jets have indeed finished their entire 2005-2006 season.

Pete Rose Caught Trying To Get Inducted Into Hall Of Fame Under Assumed Name

COOPERSTOWN, NY—The Baseball Writers Association of America announced that the "former Cincinnati Reds superstar" and "quiet, unassuming model citizen" by the name of "Pat Rosenburg," whose career statistics merited Hall of Fame consideration, was revealed by investigators to be a desperate, mustachioed, glasses-wearing Pete Rose.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

WNBA Draft To Double As Bachelorette Auction

NEW YORK—In order to stimulate interest in the WNBA and allow its fans to get to know the sport's rising stars in a more intimate setting, the 2006 player draft will double as a charity bachelorette auction, with all the proceeds going directly to the cash-strapped league. The WNBA is billing the event as a showcase of talented, interesting, and fun women who would be great catches for a team in need of some offense or anyone who's free next Saturday night. "Seimone Augustus is going to go high, both in the draft and the bidding," WNBA analyst Ann Meyers said, referring to the 6'1" LSU forward who averaged 20.1 points per game and is always up for a good horror flick. "But watch out for Monique Currie, the Duke star with a dominant court presence and a love of pizza and just hanging out, as she is an impact player on and off the court." Meyers added that, with a total of 42 players expected to be selected and bid on over the draft's three rounds, every single WNBA fan should be able to win at least one date.
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